Never been so confused in life so far… never been torn between ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ like this… never been so anxious ever… never had so many unanswered questions… it’s a conflict between various life-forces…

We have heard of balance (rather imbalance!!) between work and personal life… but there is so much of imbalance within the personal life itself… there is a life we live for others (family, friends) and a part of it for ourselves... now the question is how does one balance these two??? Is spending time for oneself always equal to being selfish??? I don’t really know… But then why do I feel guilty when I indulge in activities that I like doing and don’t spend enough (not sure what is enough!!) time with other entities… why do I always fall short of expectations that others have of me???

I know that there are people who live their life only and only on their own terms… it does require courage (and may be coldness!!)… and I clearly don’t have it… on the other hand, I also know that there are people who spend all their life selflessly, being dictated by others… this requires tremendous dedication and humility… I don’t have these either… But then I don’t want to lead either of the extreme lives… I want a middle path and here I must honestly admit that I have all the latitude and freedom that is required to choose my path (thanks to my supportive family and friends)… I only hope that I don’t squander with this freedom in the process of finding that balancing line… of finding that answer between ‘right’ and ‘wrong’…

So while am preparing to go to Kerala on work for two months, I am very glad that I will be travelling (something I love doing!!), I will have time to read, blog… I will be doing some value added work (hopefully!!)… but I am feeling utmost guilty and dejected for leaving my tiny Nithila behind… for being thoughtless towards her needs… I do hope that I get over this conflict and do enjoy MY time as much as I can… not just today or over next two months… but always hereafter…