Returned home late from work the other day… Nithila held my hand and pulled me towards the window and pointed to something at a distance in the sky saying ‘mamma voh dekho aeroplane’… I was absolutely thrilled for she had identified with my fetish… she had found joy in something which I myself have been very ecstatic about all these days…
While the city’s blinking landscape slowly and steadily grows dim, the flashing lights from the aeroplanes in the sky become more and more evident… I have spent hours sitting in this window in late evenings and nights looking at the flights landing one after the other… imagine a flashing light appearing from nowhere in the sky, moving progressively ahead and descending down into the city and dissolving in the city’s illuminated expanse… only to be followed by another aeroplane in a few seconds… I derive sheer joy in looking at this pattern… had tried to once or twice show it to Nithila but she couldn’t fix her eyes on that distant moving aeroplane… when yesterday she herself excitedly pointed out my own discovery to me, I was thrilled… we then sat on the bed for a long time watching the aeroplanes one after the other, overjoyed at every new plane that came in sight.. finally both of us slept holding each other, still gazing at our ‘now mutually acquired’ craze…
I always derive happiness from smallest but craziest things… and have been written off many times with a remark ‘don’t be childish’ (now I know why!!)... like sitting in the front seat on the upper deck of the double decker bus, feeling the breeze directly on the face… sleeping in balcony/terrace staring at the starry sky… having food under the shade of a mango tree in sultry summers… sitting in the doors of Indrayani, early morning, feeling the chill in air increase, as the train climbed the ghats… getting drenched in rains, especially in the splashing waves on marine drive… sneaking out of home and going on bike-rides with friends… covering all of mumbai’s frenzied markets on foot, without any money to spend on anything… yelling and shouting heart out while on the topsy turvy esselworld rides… long distance train/bus journeys with family and friends, spent mostly singing and dancing… binging on roadside paani-puri, vada paavs and paav-bhajis… sitting on the rocks/beach, watching the sunset… the list is endless…
None of these things are by any means creative, productive or even imaginative… they are ‘crazy nothings’… but still I have always derived tons of happiness doing them… and even today, if and when I get a chance, will be as delighted to indulge in them… Just that, every single day now starts with an agenda, is spent struggling to create space for oneself and survive therein, and ends with gathering one’s own pieces and putting them back together… in the process, one may have shown abundant creativity, productivity and imagination, but for me, something seems to be missing always… only at such occasions when I get to indulge in crazy nothings, I feel at ease with myself… it relieves stress and enlivens every nerve and every cell in me…