Freedom to crave and binge...
‘Caramelized strawberry with ice-cream’… divine… yummmm to the core… everytime I am about to put my culinary skills into practice like this, I remind myself to go slow on the richness and the calories… but that is never achieved… because I do such experiments only once in a while and then see no reason to put a check on my creativity with constraints like less sweet, lesser oil and so on… :):)However, such constraints have become a part of my psyche, and they pop up every now and then… every other instance, I am reminded of how obese I am and how much weight I have to lose (looked for a better alternative word for “obese”, but all those words sound equally saddening to me!!)… instances when I am about to pick up chocolates, chips, juices, ice-creams and the likes at supermarket… when I see people jogging and walking in mornings, while I still struggle to shed off the sleep from my eyes… when I take some trendy outfits into the trial room hoping they will fit me, but they don’t… when I pose for a photo, and stand at a cross-angle so that my actual width is not captured… when Ankoo, my sis-in-law, gloomily says she is putting on weight (whereas the fact is she is almost anemic)… when I order a pizza/burger and the attendant asks me “any extra toppings mam?” which I politely turn down (but I actually want to say ‘with extra cheese pleaseee’)… when I come across advertisements in newspapers where people have lost oodles of weight, supported by their ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures… when my husband, pointing at some lady, says “look there, isn’t she hot?”…
And at every such instance, I also promise myself that “I will wake up half an hour early tomorrow and do some exercise… also will avoid all fattening stuff”… next morning is like any other morning when I snooze the alarm atleast 5 times and wake up later than usual.. the day is like any other day when I have multiple cravings and I satiate them with all calorific food… and then ready to make a resolution one other time… seems like a vicious circle to me… I don’t know if I am the only one who goes through this vicious circle or are there others too… cannot find out because most women around me seem to be in perfect shape… and those who are not, don’t seem to be bothered really !!! so here I sit alone, making resolutions and then breaking them and then waiting for next apt occasion to make another resolution… today as I write this, I have found another reason, another occasion… Ankoo will be getting married six months from now and I better look presentable in her wedding (she has been drooling over her immaculate would-be-maa-in-law… well, till your wedding Ankoo there is enough time for me to get in some decent shape and I promise I wont let you down!!)…
So yet another pledge, yet another promise… that I shall write a follow-up post exactly six months from now and it will hopefully have some positive things to say… about freedom from the constraints on calories, freedom from the trap of vicious resolutions, freedom from the discomforts and complexes… freedom to crave and binge… freedom to make and savor ‘caramelized strawberry with ice-cream’ once again, without any guilt though…
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