To Strengthen the Weak Link...
Have been pondering over this one thought many times over last few days… and have ended up confusing myself everytime… so much has been spoken and written about womens’ safety and womens’ rights in recent times… the root of these explosions was an inhumane act that happened amidst all of us while we remained in oblivion… why such acts happen, as put in many discussions all over, is a combination of many factors like the laws of land, the security system, the patriarchal society, the socio-cultural makeup and much more… It is complicated indeed…
However what has had my mind occupied is, as a woman myself, what should be my bearing… and this thought is equally complicated because it thrives in the backdrop created by all the above factors… I have to firstly clarify here that these views are of a woman who has been brought up in a middle class suburb of a large metro city… essentially of a woman with broad-minded outlook, yet a conformist upbringing…
If I look back at that upbringing, it did give me a very protected (not necessarily secure) life… started at home with my father and my brother being my contracted-for-life protectors… shielding me from all known and unknown threats to my physical or emotional being… even a slight sense of threat, and they would face it before it reached me… that gave me the most amazing feeling of belonging to them, but then didn’t that intrinsically make me weaker than them?
While there were these protectors around, I was also taught to protect myself when I was on my own… not so much by defending or fighting the ill-elements, but by avoiding them to maximum extent… I was trained to look at any stranger as a potential threat… why just a stranger, even known people (read men) were not to be trusted completely… without any offence to anyone, every male friend of mine or even that of my brother was scanned by my ‘well-meaning’ mom, and through her eyes, by me too… I was asked to keep away from the suspicious ones… that ensured I remained unharmed, but didn’t that intrinsically make me weaker than these ill-elements?
I was taught that how much ever I compete or equal myself with others (read male cousins, friends, colleagues), I will need to be conscious of their posture towards me… I don’t remember ever being differentiated from my brother or friends (again male friends) as far as studies or other activities or exploring opportunities or making choices were concerned… but differentiation was evident when it came to the extent of freedom given to me, to hang around with these same friends, to move around, to adhere to timings and so on… that for sure brought a sense of security, but didn’t that intrinsically make me weaker than my male counterparts?
As happens in every marriage, I was entrusted to the man-of-my-life with a belief that, now on, he will take care of me and my needs, he will be responsible for my well being and safety… he will safeguard me and protect me… did I play the same role in his life? No… so didn’t that make me intrinsically weaker than my husband?
Was all this a wrong rearing afterall? I don’t know for sure… could it have been any different? I don’t know that either… To find that answer, let me for a moment change roles.. as a mother of two girls, how different will I be as I bring them up? For argument sake, I may get them trained to defend themselves in all possible circumstances… Inspite of that, will I not expect their father or husband to shield them? Will I not ask them to be alert always and avoid exposure to any ill-elements? Will I not teach them to assess people and not place trust in everyone? Will I not curb their freedom to some extent, as a precautionary measure? Will all this make them intrinsically weak? Yes, it will…
So in a bargain to make them stronger, to have them experience their freedom, to exercise their right, should I leave them unguarded and exposed to the social order they live in, that also includes many murky layers… I don’t have a definitive answer to this… I don’t know which way is the right way or if there is any middle way… I don't know what should be my bearing as a woman... I don’t know the way to strengthen this weak link… my confusion prevails…
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