Reflections

My dear Nithila,

A very happy 14^th birthday to you…

I have been so eagerly waiting to write this letter to you… it’s that year which I have been waiting for all these 14 years 😊 and what is so special about this year you will ask.. I am smiling while I write this, but you know what, and you will be extremely surprised, and you will be all smiles too… I have been waiting for you to grow to a point where we can wear each others clothes and shoes and accessories… well, as of today, only you wear mine (and don’t give me anything of yours) but that’s also so very exciting ! I always expected it to be, and indeed it is, an amazing feeling to see you step into my shoes ! I would see other mom-daughter duos twinning and sharing and would imagine doing those things with you… this year brought me that happiness 😊 Shopping dates with you are such fun.. emulating you is sheer joy ! you make me feel young(er) !

Besides being my shopping partner, you also are a great companion for the food explorations… your food choices, your tastes are exceptional… you can eat anything and everything in the menu, at any place, at any time… today on your birthday, we had some authentic Hibachi Japanese for dinner, truly a one of its kind experience… You will never forget this birthday am sure… been one of the most remarkable ones you would have celebrated till now… we are in the US, living up your ‘castles in the air’ and ‘flights of fantasy’ dreams.. Ankoo bua and Samrat fifi have left no stone unturned in making this one special… a road trip by the west coast, ticking off all the must-see places you listed, shopping escapades and food explorations… your relentless craving to try unusual food options has been the highlight of this trip !

It is gratifying to see how you accept everything that comes your way, and live it to the fullest.. You have your wants, but they don’t give you sleepless nights (yet!).. you pursue your own interests & hobbies, you learn new things every day, you have your favorite bunch of people whom you connect with, you read a lot, you think a lot too, you play and you exercise, you go to sleep happy, and wake up happy… You simply know how to live in today, how to enjoy all that life is today… and you teach that to me in so many ways…

I was once engrossed in a discussion with someone on investments in crypto and risk profile of crypto assets… not a subject that comes to me easily, but was determined to know all about it… because I don’t want to lag behind on things that will be a way of life for the next generation, your generation… and I was suddenly distracted with your scream… I ran to your room as you exclaimed “Mamma, just see this vlog from Hannah, such cute pastels she has… and you missed seeing Lauryn’s vlog on her home tour, it had such a mod feel” ! Lauryn, Hannah, Maskit, Julia and the list goes on… You are in awe of these Youtubers and Insta-influencers and then of course the Kardashians and Jenners…

Phew.. here I was taking all the trouble to understand the dreary world of finance that you will live tomorrow and there you are into the exciting world of teen-influencers today… both are equally weird, but given a choice, I want be in your zone all the time… I absolutely love discussing your present world… it may not be relatable to ours, but its attractive, its mushy, its wishful, it’s a happy world… through you, I get to laugh and cheer and live some ecstatic, girlie, fan moments… I get to live in the moment…

I admire that you live in present, it is great to be in the ‘now’… but know that there is no instant gratification and there is no instant success (outside the virtual world)… I do understand your adulations, but you should know that all the flashy Instagram posts, the sexy fashionistas and the youtubers’ swag is not their real world… it is not anyone’s real world… their true life is full of hard work behind the scenes, when no one is watching them.. at least you don’t get to watch it… so listen to what you cannot hear and look for what you cannot see… wholesome perspectives are important…

 I am enjoying every bit of your teenage… Insta-inspired deliberations and discussions one day, friends-influenced fancies and cravings on some days and self-pondered anxieties and reassurances on other days… how your days swing and your moods with it… and how I love to be with you in these ups and downs… through all these, I am heartened to see your unfading curiosity, thoughtful choices, studied opinions and taking of shape of your ambitions…

We discuss, we debate, we argue… we agree to disagree, or disagree to agree… but in midst of so many influencers around you, I don’t want to be left behind… I keep spilling many wisdom bytes on you regularly (see, I didn’t spare this letter too 😊)… if I have to sum it all up, all I would say is… be kind, be humble, have faith in God, believe in destiny, but don’t let life just happen to you… develop your self-esteem, follow your curiosity, set your goals, take your own risks, create your timelines, enjoy your milestones, be your own self..

I love you…

Yours Mumma

My dear Niky,

Wish you a very happy 11^th sweetie pie..

To be part of your world, is one of your asks of me, I try, am trying... oh and yes, am working on all those other 'feedback' points you sent to me when I asked you for my improvement areas !! some of them were - its not 19th century, so not to scold you because MY expectations were not met... listen to you and not make my assumptions about you under the garb of knowing you... not expect you to be perfect, because you are not and noone can be... - well, I am feeling embarassed as I listed these points, but then such conversations between us make our journey all the more fascinating...

… so go on girl, hold the pen, write out your heart and make yours an interesting story…

Love, Mumma..

In these annual letters, I do make it a point to write about the new places we would have visited through the year… so when you read them later, you can reminisce about the routes you have travelled and the footprints you left behind… From being travel friendly, to my utmost pleasure, you have grown to be travel hungry… on completing one travel, I start planning for the next one, and I see the same streak in you… but this year 2020 has been a washout as far as travel is concerned… well, its been so bad, that we have been trapped at home almost all of the year due to covid-travel-restrictions.. the last one – a 1200 km road trip - Delhi - Mcleodganj - Dharamshala - Pathankot – Amritsar – Delhi - was in the last week of 2019… we had quite a few travel plans through the year, but none materialized… we cancelled our much awaited holiday to the US, something we have been planning for more than a year now, and you were extremely disappointed… I tried consoling you saying “so what we couldn’t go now, we will go next year, US is not going anywhere isn’t it?”… and came your reply “next year we could have gone to some other place, there are so many places to see Mumma, this one life is not enough isn’t it?”… I completely, strongly, gladly agree with you… and there began our discussion on our ‘bucket list’ of travel destinations… our combined list is outrageously long, a mix of adventure, history, culture, nature and everything above and beyond… while I will try and see as many places alongside you, I do hope that you get to see all the diversity that exists in this very world, both pleasant and the unpleasant…

The cover you designed for Niky's book

Creativity in action

One of the creations

A very happy 10th to you...

As I start writing this letter to you, am very conscious of the words I am using to express myself. I will need to use thesaurus to live upto your level, lest you will say “Mamma, your vocab is ‘pitiable’” !! I have been generally alleged by others that I use complex English in my blogs, but if they speak to you or read your stories, they for sure will free me off such charges.. Just 10 years old today you are, and the phrases you use in your normal course of talk are so non-conversational, even for me… but all the very entertaining… so let me try to wish you your way… Here’s to a splendid birthday today and happiness for the plenteous eons ahead…😊

You will remember this birthday for many reasons, most of them unusual…

This is the special 10th we have been waiting for and were to make some grand plans but could not. The planet is going through Corona-crisis for a few months now, and we are required to stay indoors, maintain distance from people, stay safe and protect ourselves from the deadly virus. Your school premises didn’t open this year, and you have moved to online learning. I keep thinking if you are able to understand what is being taught, are you able to participate, are you able to manage the online tools… my thinking is ofcourse not as evolved as you are… your teacher says that you are the coolest girl in the class, hands-on with every tool and technique available to you… the siris, the translators, the hangouts, shared-drives, design and presentation apps, everything.. infact a step ahead I would say. The other day you were looking up for some meanings on google and when you were not satisfied with them, you actually sent out a ‘suggestion’ to google to include the right meaning ! (I was not aware one could do that !)…

So this quarantined birthday, going by the trend, we also celebrated online with our family… from across India, UK and US… and what fun we had coming together, chatting up and playing games… the best part is, I didn’t have to do much, Nithila managed it all backstage 😊 the highlight of the party, the icing on the cake, was the cake itself. In your words – the best cake in the world, made by none other than our homegrown baker, Nithila..

You missed Polo immensely today… we lost him about a month back, to a freak road accident. There are times, you sit quietly in a corner, holding Popcorn close to you, staring blankly ahead of you… I can feel your pain Niky, in each of those times… this is the first time you have experienced someone very close, going away.. you loved Polo the most, he has been your companion throughout last 7 years, waiting for you to wake up and hug him, listening to your laughs and sobs, obeying to every command you taught him, seeing you fall asleep next to him… his eyes would shine up just on seeing you… he is indeed that brightest twinkling star up there… for now in our imaginings, but soon in your story that you have set out to write on that twinkling star – Polo.

Of all the gifts that poured in, the most special was your book, “Collection of short stories, by Niharika Malviya”… your first book, with stories and poems written by you… you were extremely thrilled on seeing it, I am falling short of words to describe your expression… and since then you have held it close to you all day through… For the past couple of years, you have been intrigued with the concept of publishing a book… you have dreamt about it every single day… you have been quizzing Papa about it time and again.. your bedtime conversations with Papa are all about books, stories, characters, authors… latest one was – you asked Papa “if Enid Blyton was also born on 2nd Oct, will Google choose to make a doodle on Gandhiji or Enid Blyton?”… such and more questions just show how you live a ‘famous author’s life’ deep inside you… in one such conversations couple of years ago, you got Papa to promise you that he will publish your first book once you have written enough stories… and here today, he fulfilled it… like he says, he has kept his side of the bargain… now your turn to keep yours… so write and write, and keep writing… all that you imagine, all that you visualize… I know this book marks the beginning of many more…

Me: What kind of books do you want to write Niky?

You: Interesting books, that the person reading does not want to end. Infact I will write an unending book

Me: But all books and all stories have an end, even if you write a series, you have to end it

You: But I will not end my books, they will end on their own..

Me: Really? How can a book end on its own?

You: Mumma, I will start with the end… and end with a start.. so book will end on its own in the start… but it will actually end with a start of another book…

Me: (after asking you to repeat what you just said) that’s a brilliant idea Niky  (and then to myself) cmon Gauri, fasten your seat belt, this is going to be a ride through a whirlwind.. but a joyful ride nevertheless…

You wake up with new stories, through the day you keep adding scenes and scripts to them, you sleep thinking about your characters and detailing them… Your imaginations are like raindrops… tiny, subtle and imperceptible… just the way continuous falling of raindrops make a river overflow, your bountiful imaginations come together, swelling up into these stories… and seeing this first book of your stories taking shape, I feel immensely proud of you… this will remain a priceless treasure !

Your dream of becoming an author is now a dream for all of us… you have made it almost a purpose of your life (for now!) and hope it does continue in the coming years… always remember, in a chase between the lion and the deer, many a times the deer wins, because the lion runs for food, and the deer for life.. a purpose is always more momentous than the need..

Yours Mumma.