In the Ides of Life...
In middle of the night, lying awake in bed, staring into the darkness… thinking
about the years gone past and maybe equal number of years yet to be seen… as I
approach what is conventionally called ‘mid-age’… mind is wandering in random
thoughts, thoughts of how my past has been, what have I achieved so far and
what has future in store… a typical mid-age-syndrome, of reflecting and
pondering…
Number of choices were made in the past, on relationships & friendships, on
education & occupation, on career & calling, on trivialities &
tragedies, on holding & persistence, on abandonment & letting-go, on
attitude & individuality… These very decisions have set a direction in
which life is streaming today… nothing significantly different has been charted
so far and hence can forsee the future with a certain degree of predictability…
many have lived a life like me, many have charted the same path and I have seen
how their overall life has been, giving a definitive prediction to my life as
well… this thinking also reflects the mid-age-syndrome, of inevitability and
unoriginality…
In the ides of life, in the cradle of the night, I wonder if the direction
needs change, if any of the decisions need to be rethought or altered, if
anything distinct or unique needs to be achieved afterall… not sure, but even
if I answer any of these in affirmative, next question is do I have the zeal
and eagerness and more importantly courage to alter my predictable existence… here the answer definitely is in negative.. again a
mid-age-syndrome, of lethargy and perplexity…
Thus here I lie puzzled with myself, still staring into the darkness, with
random thoughts, still in mind, waging a war among themselves; while I desperately
hope to end this war and summon peace, a peace that would not merely be the end
of war, but would also be a state of mind…
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