As you turn 12 today...
My dear Nithila,
A very happy 12th to you… and wishes for a fascinating new chapter called ‘Adolescence’ that will unfold hereon… that I am so looking forward to living up with you…
One of these days, I read a random article on Child Development Theory and it defined Age 12 as the start of self-identity and self-esteem.. I am witnessing all of it being put to test as you approach that juncture-in-life…
Two conversations have been the highlight of this year of yours Nithila.. Let me try and reproduce them here, as much as I can remember them..
Month of July 2019, a relaxed Sunday, I was checking my post on Facebook, of our just completed Gaumukh Tapovan trek
You: Oh wow ! you have posted this on Facebook?Me: Yes, read this and tell me how it is..
You: (after reading the long post) This is very nice, but why just this much
Me: Just this much? It is quite long isn’t it? Sums up the summit of the trek well I think
You: Yes, but what about the trek itself? It had so much more, you have written nothing about that..
Me: Oh c’mon, we just walked and walked, what do I write about it?
You: But unless we walked, and took all that effort, this view was impossible to see. So that trekking effort needs to be mentioned. Not just our own efforts, actually those fellow trekkers and also helpers of IndiaHikes. Without them, we would not have been able to see this grand view that you have written about. And even the preparation on fitness we did before going for the trek. Everything was so important and difficult. Why should others get to see only the best part of the trek?
Me: Yeh, you are right Nithila, but everyone may not be interested in that difficult part.
You: That’s strange. Ok then there were more happier times in the trek, why not about them?
Me: Like what?
You: Many.. like I walked with myself, in my thoughts, no disturbances, I felt happy…
Me: Being alone is peaceful yes, but not always happy..
You: Mamma, I didn’t say ‘alone’.. I was not alone.. the river flowed alongside me all the time.. I did not get bored at all..
Me: hmmm interesting, and I felt the same too.. and what else made you happy?
You: like meeting new people, yeh they were not my age, but they were quite fun.. also listening to the stories everyone shared, specially the mysterious ones by Shashank bhaiya (trek leader)… and yes, doing the zipline was so good… also you remember when I climbed that steep stretch without help, how happy I was?
Me: I get it.. like they say, the destination is important but the journey is always very interesting too.. we will keep these in our memories Nithila, they need not go on Facebook..
You and I did this Gaumukh-Tapovan trek in June. I was quite apprehensive about taking you along, and to tell you the fact, the trek co-ordinators were too.. I was not worried about your fitness (I am weak in that department, not you), but just the overall mental conditioning required to be in midst of mountains and meagre resources for a week could be too much to ask of you… but the conversation above filled me with contentment that you came back only more warm-hearted and conditioned to live the journey in its entirety…
And then another Sunday, another conversation, 22nd December 2019.. you were showing me pics you clicked on your friend’s birthday party a day before… Me: you need to understand the concept of subject, lighting etc better.. so you can capture better pictures
You: Oh ho Mumma, these are not for hashtagging, these are just to keep with me as memories
Me: What is hashtagging?
You: Sharing on Instagram with some hashtag.. all my friends would have done that last night itself with hashtag ‘BirthdaysAreFunAndHow’…
Me: Oh ! I didn’t know that.. but you don’t need Insta to click good pics isn’t it?
You: Actually I need an Insta account.. I will then click only good pics, because bad pics are not posted there isn’t it?
Me: that is no reason to open Instagram account
You: I have more reasons, and before you start getting concerned, let me tell you all the ‘cons’ I know and what we can do to prevent them.. we had done a discussion in school on ‘Pros & Cons of Social Media’ couple of months back.. The cons are Privacy, Peer pressure, Addiction, Distraction. What else?
Me: (realizing how well your friends had prepared you this time) Oh nice! You know it all, so what are you going to do to prevent it?
You: Interact only with known people, my friends. Then set certain days and time to check Insta and not care about everything that friends do or say on Insta..
Me: Profound, but you are sure you will be able to do what you saying and not get carried away?
You: What does carried away mean? (this part your friends did not prepare you for, ouch!)
Me: Means even when you know most of the stuff on Instagram is after applying filters, and not real… you still will like everything you see there, and want more of it, and contribute yourself too.. carried away means wanting to do something knowing that it is not the best thing to do…
You: Now I am confused Mumma… I know it is all filtered, but I want to see all of it…
Well, this confusion is the characteristic of your age and as you turn 12 today, this is just the beginning.. your unpretentious heart says and feels something (the first conversation), yet the influences around you make you do the opposite (second conversation).. ok may not be exact opposite, but makes you find work arounds to your own beliefs…The peer pressure, various addictions and distractions are here and for real.. you cannot prevent them hereon… Your opinions, your likings, your beliefs are not your own, there are imprints of others, most prominent ones of your friends… So you are bound to remain perplexed many a times, to be misled sometimes and in the process drift away from your own self… all I can say is “I understand”..
I will try my best to guide you as you navigate through the drifts, to help you see-through these perplexes and hold you close as you fail, and you re-surge… through this will shape your persona.. not the #Insta one, but the real one…. And today I only pray and hope that it is the one that continues to be warm-hearted and conditioned to live the journey in its entirety…
Happy 12th and let the journey begin…
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